Something I just said to my friend, Cecchine.

- Girls are attracted to guys with other girls attached to them because they're competitive, vindictive, animalistic sluts. -

I honestly believe this, but not with all girls. It's all a matter of context. Don't look at these last two posts and think I'm sexist because I'm not. Well, I try not to be. It's s fun, though.

Female Health & Nutrition (from personal observation)

Before you read on, I just want to state that this is VERY sexist. I apologize for any offense. 

This is a basic lay-out of, from what I have seen, what embodies the typical college female's nutrition and work-out routine. 

NUTRITION

Breakfast:  

 1/2 plain bagel (toasted) w/ 1/2 whiff of "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter", 3 grapes (substituted with either 1/3 apple, 1 bite of banana, or 13 watermelon seeds). Starbucks coffee.

Lunch: 

Salad with assorted day-old veggies. 2 croutons, Italian dressing. Glass of water, no ice. Starbucks coffee.

Dinner: 

Salad with famine-like proportions of poultry. 3 croutons, no dressing. Glass of water with ice. Possible dessert options: 1 bite of brownie, 1/2 cookie, 1 vegan-ice-cream-swirl-cone. Starbucks coffee.

Late Night Snack: 

7 shots. Chicken Finger platter (6-8 fingers, serving of Fries). Slice of pizza. Mozzarella sticks. More Fries (mooched from "BFF"). Starbucks coffee.

FITNESS ROUTINE

Monday - Friday : 

65 minutes, 0 resistance on elliptical machine (while reading COSMO/PEOPLE, or texting random, annoyed people). 198 crunches (couldn't do the last 2). 35 more minutes on elliptical. **

**Note: The more seasoned gym-rats may incorporate: 3x power squats, 3x biceps curls (with 1-5lb weights), and/or 2x jogging to the women's restroom (Natty Splatties).

Saturday - Sunday:

No physical activity whatsoever. Exception: stumbling around campus, overwhelmingly drunk before midnight. Passed out by 12:15am after calling every ex-boyfriend and pledging their undying, loyal, and still passionate love. 

Am I a horrible person? Hell, I don't think so at least. That counts for something, right?